I Will Believe That I Am Art; thoughts on self-love.
Some days I wonder at what age exactly did I start losing myself? Did I just wake up one day and realize I no longer liked myself or how I looked? Or was I feeding myself doses of not being good enough based on situations where I couldn't be myself because I felt that I was either "too much" or "too little" yet never good enough.
I didn't know how I could control my impulses when all I felt is that I could never be good at anything - not even accepting myself a little.
How can you accept your flaws when you begin to feel like an entirety of a human defect.
But when I'm by myself in my room it's scorching hot outside and I'm forced to give myself company. All I hear is the sound of my parents voice so I begin to think, long and hard, I think that my mother would never make a mistake.
Therefore I realize that if she created me and breathed life into me, I must have a purpose, I must be okay, I must be fine and I must be good enough.
I begin to realize that being self-deprecating is not my calling. It is not only a pitiful way to live but is also extremely disrespectful for a mother who tore her insides for you, carried you, raised you and everyday prays for you.
So today I'm picking myself up, I will call it self-love.
I will believe that I am art,
So draw on me
Paint my arms
Use my veins
Like a work of art
I'm your canvas
Use my scars
Fill in the curves of my heart
Join the dots
Leave it dark
Hang me up on the wall
For the world to see
All the love I'm going to extend and be.